Monsters in the Bedroom

I’m a mother of two amazing girls, aged 15 and 12. When my younger daughter was about 5 years old, she was scared of monsters. Every night, we would do a thorough check of her room and use a homemade monster spray (ask me for the recipe) to rid her bedroom of monsters. She would only fall asleep after we completed this process every single day, until she was sure that there was nothing to be afraid of. Eventually, she grew out of her fear, we retired the spray, and all was well for a bit.

Fast forward two years to 2020, to the peak of the pandemic during lockdown. I woke up one night to my daughter screaming in her sleep. I rushed to her room to find her terrified and barely coherent, but mumbling something about being burned by red lasers. I had no idea what she was referring to, and the best I could do was soothe her back to bed. The next night, it happened again, and it continued each night for the remainder of the week. During the day, we talked, and nothing seemed amiss… she was doing fine in online school, getting lots of outdoor playtime, eating healthy, and showing no symptoms of any illness. I couldn’t for the life of me understand what was causing her so much anxiety at night, especially since she had been in lockdown.

It was only when I walked into her room one day, when she was supposed to be in online school, and saw her playing a game on her computer instead, that I realized what was happening. The game she was playing was a battle between two characters, both of whom were using wands that shot out laser beams to kill each other. Technically, it was a math game that her school had recommended, but it really had very little math and a lot more “game.” She was only seven, and for whatever reason, this game was just too scary for her.

That was the day I became hyper-aware of technology and its impact on our children. The tech journey that our family has been on, from then until now (with my girls at 15 and 12), has been challenging every step of the way. We’ve had to think about if and when to give our girls phones, how much time they should spend online, what types of games they should have access to, and whether social media is appropriate for them.

If you watched Adolescence on Netflix, you will likely agree with me that the monsters that we need to worry about in our children’s rooms are not the imaginary ones, but the very real ones… and they find our children through apps, games, and technology. Whether they are pedophiles grooming children on Snapchat and Roblox, drug dealers selling fentanyl online, or content creators influencing the minds, self-esteem, attitudes (including attitudes towards sex), and purchasing behavior of children, the impact on their mental and physical health is inconceivable.

My daughter is no longer scared of monsters, but it is I who is petrified of these other monsters when she is in her room with the door closed, on her devices. These are the monsters that do the most harm when I think my children are the safest. Do these monsters lurk in your child’s bedroom as well?

The research is clear—technology, smartphones, and social media are doing more harm than good when it comes to children’s mental health. And while we wait for legislators to catch up and make laws that safeguard children, it is up to each one of us as parents to protect our kids as best we can!

We cannot do this simply by managing screen time and looking away from what our children are doing online. We also cannot give up on our teenagers and give in to the pressure of “all my friends have social media, so why can’t I?” While legislators play catch up on more protective laws, we need to do better. Our children are in a fight for their lives and mental health and they need us to show up for them.

How can we show up for them? By being the parent and making the tough decisions, by educating them, by listening to them and understanding their pressures, by asking curious questions to get a real glimpse into their worlds, by protecting them through the use of tools that help us fight tech with tech, and most importantly, never becoming complacent about what they do online and whom they engage with.

Because of my background in the tech industry and my personal experiences as a mom, I’ve been speaking at various schools about online safety for the past few years. I’ve heard from more than 300 parents from over 60 countries about their biggest challenges. Most of them are at their wit’s end when it comes to managing technology and social media for their children.

To learn more about Silana Learning and the work we do to protect children online, please visit https://silanalearning.com/courses and check out our online course called How to Protect Your Child Online here – https://silanalearning.mykajabi.com/offers/DTwwRRRW and enter code EARLYBIRD50 for 50% off.